Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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