Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
