why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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