I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
