I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Randomize
