one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
