I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
