Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
