I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
