He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
