Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
