cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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