VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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