If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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