did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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