then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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