who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
