i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
