through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
