it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
