I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
