I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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