He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just found puke in my bra..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
