True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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