you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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