When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
