Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
