I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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