If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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