it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
