I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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