did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
