Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
