I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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