Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Randomize
