Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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