They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
