I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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