Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
