Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
