do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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