No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Acid is not a monday night drug
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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