So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just threw up on my dentist
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
