I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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