"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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