fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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