I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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