your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm at about main and main street
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
