so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
