So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
