sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
