I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
