Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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