I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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