OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize