She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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