I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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