I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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