just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
