She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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