Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
