Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
