omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Sext me about skeletons
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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