His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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