just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
