i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize