The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
