I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
