I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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