Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
