just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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