Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
