I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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