I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
