You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
