It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
