he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
