He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize