So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
