just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
