Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
