My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
