I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
