There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
