I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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