fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Can vaginas get frostbite?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize