Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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