hell yes lets make some ravioli
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
