Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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