I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
