some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
