The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
