Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
