Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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