I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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