I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
