I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
