She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
