There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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