u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
