So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
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