i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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