the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
