Plan B is the new Plan A
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
